PT: EZ come EZ go...

When Selina arrived here this summer, I knew she was behind developmentally. With medicals indicating she had central nervous system disorder, aphasia, weak legs, etc. Edited to add: I knew she did not have CNS or any of the things her medicals indicated. It just showed how far behind she was when she entered the home. I knew she would qualify for something though as she was definitely delayed. Being employed in the special education field, I knew the importance of getting her help as soon as possible as early intervention is so incredibly important.

I had Selina evaluated very soon after we arrived home. She basically has at least a 25% delay in all areas tested. As part of the evaluation, I requested a consult from a physical therapist as Selina learned to walk on such weak legs. I wanted to make sure that her walking was progressing as it should and the she bears weight on her legs appropriately and such. Also with my experience, motor development is the area that I don't know as much about so it was important to have this area looked at.

A physical therapist came out and evaluated Selina. She said at the time that she was borderline for qualifying but because of her situation, she decided that she would qualify her. She went over the areas that she wanted to target for goals. This included Selina doing the following: catching a ball, jumping and improving her balance on uneven surfaces.

Well a month later, the PT came for her first therapy session. She started working on the goals but as she did, she realized Selina could do each thing. I sat there saying to myself, "wow, yea, we worked on that too this month but I didn't think she could do it this well!"

So about 45 minutes into the session, the PT says, "Well, her motor skills are age appropriate now"

EZ come, EZ go. It looks like she will be seen one more time and then dismissed. The obstacle courses the kids made to work on jumping with her this month along with them playing ball with her almost daily, really went far.

Selina just amazes me every day. She has such a desire to interact with people and to learn. I see it with our family and friends as well as her classmates at school. It is fun and exciting to see a child that you give birth to achieve each milestone such as walking, first word, etc BUT... to see a child that was so disadvantaged but that is really a bright and capable child catch up from all they missed- it is truly incredible. The rate at which she is learning is astonishing. She still has services from a Speech Therapist and Developmental Specialist but she is making huge progress in these areas also.

Selina learns so much every single day- she has come so far since the day she arrived at the adoption center in January....


I just had to share this exciting news as I am so proud of her. She is such a determined and strong girl that I can't wait to see what her future holds and what other accomplishments she will make. All I know is that whatever it is, I am so grateful that she is our daughter and that I am so blessed to share in her journey...

Friendship Award

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
Dinah Maria (Mulock) Craik (often attributed to George Eliot)

Laurel over at I'm Ghana Adopt gave me a friendship award on her blog. I love Laurel! I feel I have gotten to know Laurel better the last few months- and I wished she lived close by as I would love to hang out with her (especially now that I know she is a scrapper!:-))

I thought this was a fun award as it gives the opportunity to talk about friendship. I love and appreciate my friends so much. I couldn't get by without them. The instructions for this blogging award are to answer the following questions about friendship, before passing it along.

1. Do you have the same friends since childhood?
I still keep in touch with a handful of friends I have had over the years. I have remained in the same area which helps although several of those I keep in touch with have moved away. I got married much earlier than my closest friends (like at least a decade earlier) so we were always at different points in our lives. That made it fun though to live a little through them and their experiences and adventures! Some I don't talk to as often as I would like but once we connect again, it is like time never passed- which is one of the greatest gifts of a wonderful friendship.

2. What do you value most about your friends?
I value most my friends that share the same views of what friendship is and isn't. Some of my most hurtful experience over the years were things said to me or about me by people I considered close friends. While hard at the time, these experiences really helped me to understand women better and help me determine the kind of friend I want to have and be.
I think that is when I truely learned that a good friend is not necessarily someone that I am most compatible with but is someone that is the kind of friend I am most compatible with. If you view friendship very similarly, even though you may be different, there are less conflicts because you understand each other and treat each other the way you want to be treated.
It is interesting as I have many friends that are very different from me, that others can't understand how we can be friends. In reality, I really enjoy my friendships with these women as I appreciate our differences and love hearing their perspective on life.

3. Are your friends your sounding boards?
Definitely. I love the quote above as it is so true to me. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to and it is so comforting to have a friend who you can just talk to and know they will listen and gleam the most important parts. I talk a lot so statistically I have a high chance of saying something that can be taken the wrong way- my best friends know to just take the gyst of what I am saying! LOL

4. What is your favorite activity to share with your friends?
Hanging out no matter what we do. With how busy our lives our nothing is better than time with just the girls. I will do whatever to get that. It was such a big perk of doing the 3 Day Walk for the past two years. Just the girls and I got to have a slumber party for two evenings and as we liked to say, "We only had to walk 20 miles that day to get it!".

Other favorite activities include a scrapbook or movie night, lunch to celebrate a birthday, pedicures or even the more simple spontaneous things like enjoying a margarita or glass of wine on the driveway as the kids play, running to a local sale together, meeting up for a coffee or a friend that will just take a drive on a long errand so you don't have to go alone (or alone with your kids!)

Now ... I get to pass the award along to some of my blogging friends. These are women that from what I know about them from chatting or reading their blogs, would be a fabulous friend...

Chalene- okay, I know Chalene super well and would not have made it through the past year nearly as well as I have without her!

And now other women who I have come to know and love...
Robin, Kristin Heather A and Ginny

One of my Fall Break projects...

I learned how to do digital scrapbooking! Yea! I have done traditional scrapbooking for about 14 years not but had not tried digital scrapping.

Earlier this year, I bought a program and have not had the time to sit and figure it out. I always take a long time at first to figure out technical stuff.

So over break, I made the goal of getting myself set up and this is my first page so far... I am still playing with it some. I plan to do a book with digital pages for Selina from the time she went to the adoption center to the time she came home, documenting some of her history and showing pictures of her stay at the adoption center and her time there.

I have to say that digital scrapbooking is so easy to do because I don't have to bring out all my supplies and put them away, I just sit at the computer and work on it for five minutes or an hour- however long I have. That has been the hard part about doing the traditional scrapbooking with young kids. I can't bring out my stuff and leave it out as I don't have a separate place to work on it.

This was so much fun to do and allows me to do something I enjoy whenever I can catch a few minutes. So are there any other scrappers or digital scrappers out there????

A Little Fall Fun...

The whole fam had the past week off for Fall Break. We went to Schnepf Farms (a big farm with a rides, a train ride and pumpkin patch) with the Chalene and their family and then we went to Amazing Jake's Pizza one day. I wanted to share a few of my favorite pics...

Looky here, we are all facing the camera with open eyes! Woo hoo!!

TR got called up during a little performance with a group of people. He basically had questions posed and when he did not answer first, had to put a dum dum in his mouth. He ended up winning with only three at once. Some people had up to seven dum dums in their mouth at once- YUK!

Cater and Rita and Racheal


Kman and Kaiden

I think this will end up an all time favorite pic of Kman and Cater...

Kman attempting the rock wall

Selina was not feeling as well at Schnepf Farms but was much better today. She enjoyed the spinning tea cups and a train for the first time and loved them! The day was pretty full of ups and downs as the poor girl did not understand that you have to get off the ride and get back in line to do it again. Every time a ride ended, she got so upset! Yea, that is pretty hard to explain to a two year old!LOL

Helping those left behind... summary

“If you want to adopt from Ghana and bring children home, that is fine but it is not enough. You have to understand that while America is rich, Ghana is richer and better in many ways so don’t think that you are saving them from a bad place because you are not. Always tell them how wonderful Ghana is and that they are special because they are from Ghana. Take them back to Ghana if you can. Most importantly, while taking a child or two will help those children to have a family, remember the other children left behind and help them because they are your children’s friends and relatives and by doing that, you are honoring your children and where they come from.”-

For those who are newer to my blog, part of the reason I chose to adopt from Ghana is because my great uncle, Father Fran was a priest there for over 53 years before dying there in Fall 2006. Initially, it really bothered me that I did not talk to Fr. Fran about adopting from Ghana before he passed away. The last time we saw him, we were content and busy with Kman and Cater and had not seriously discussed more children. These words above are what I decided after much prayer, that he would have said about our adoption.

Over a year later, these words still are with me. After going to Africa to bring Selina home and meeting his friends and fellow priests there, I am confident that this would have been his sentiment.

Before going to Ghana, I asked my friends and family to consider making a donation for me to use to help children and people in Ghana. The following people made donations...

FAMILY-Catherine Meyer, Joseph Meyer, Laura & Gene Meyer, Tom & Kathy Davidson, Kristin & Gray Fontenot, Joanne & Lyn Simmons, Rick & Julie Meyer, Mary & Gene Warne, Kathy & Charlie Spencer, Elaine & Noel Simmons, Julie Meyer, Erica Warne, Leah Kochis, Neil Simmons, Ben Warne, Todd Warne, Kristin Spencer, Todd Fontenot
FRIENDS-Rachael & Greg Thornton (in memory of Catherine Meyer), Stacy Schneider, Amy Ferrell, Heather Sears, Amy Johnston, Ginger Golden, Marcy Fredette-Roman, Anita Westlake, Noreen Roman, Pam Bradley, Debbie Johnson, Mindy Douglass, Mary Cooper, Molly Lyons, Sandra Pedersen, Kendra Latimer, Sharma Mulqueen

The generosity of these people was humbling. Over $3500 for me to take to Ghana. I never in a million years thought I would be going with that much money available to me to help others. I am good at spending money (TR would even probably say I am gifted in this area-LOL) but for a few days, even I was a little overwhelmed with all the money that kept coming in... thankfully I feel that I was led by God and the guidance of my Grandmother who passed away right before I left as well as her late brother Father Fran to opportunities to use it to do good...

I did three major donation/projects.

Hardthaven Children's Home:

I took a day to travel about four hours away to make a donation to Hardthaven. This orphanage is for children who either are HIV positive or have lost their parents to AIDS. This trip was so wonderful. I was expecting to be sad and for there to be more sadness at a place where those there are living with HIV or are grieving due to loss. What I found instead was an orphanage with children that helped each other and that were happy.
I do keep in touch with Edem still through email and plan to continue to help him. They have had some setbacks lately. They had a child they were helping that was HIV positive that lived in the community die and he just found out he has lost his lease and has to move his orphanage by March. There is such a stigma about HIV in Ghana that it is very imperative that Hardthaven be able to continue to help those cast aside by their villages because they are HIV positive.

Kasoa Orphanage-

While Hardthaven needed help mostly because they help those that are HIV positive and require medical assistance, Kasoa is an example of an orphanage where the situation is so devastating that the kids would literally starve without extra assistance. Hardly a day goes by that I don't stop to think about Kasoa and to pray that God watches over the children there.

And finally... Albert...

Father Fran helped build and develop a church in Nsawam ,Ghana. It is about two or three hours from the heart or Accra (the capital). These grounds not only housed a church but also two schools, the cemetary where Father is laid to rest AND an orthopedic center that helps over 200 people get and learn to use artificial limbs at any given time. I met Albert, an eight year old boy that is missing an arm due to a birth defect, the day after seeing the orthopedic center. It took a few months to work out the details but Albert will be getting an artificial limb from the orthopedic center. We are paying the costs for his arm including him staying there for about a month to learn to use it. Total costs for the arm, his therapy and transporation there will be about $1000. See Albert and more of his story here...

Even though I have left Ghana, it remains a part of me and always will. I plan to continue to help out in Ghana with some other projects. It is important to me to do this as I see it as a way to honor Selina and her history. I am in email contact with a few people there still in order to keep up with what they are doing. I have a desire to specifically help older children that live in orphanages and cannot be adopted. These children will be basically kicked out of the orphanage when they turn 18 with nothing. I want to help them get a better education or help them to learn a trade or get a good job so that they have the means to make it. There is one boy in particular that I met that I want to help.

Thank you... I want to thank you once again for making the donation that allowed me to help others in Ghana. To have been able to go there with money to help others made this trip so much easer. I saw so much poverty but to have been able to do a few things that made a difference was incredible. You allowed me to not feel so helpless but to instead feel empowered that while I couldn't help everyone, I could make a difference in a few places. For that, I will always be grateful to all of you.

3 Parenting Tips

Happy Friday! It is time for fellow bloggers that want to participate to blog three parenting tips or things that work for them.

Sharing their wisdom are the following awesome moms: (Click on their name to visit their blog)
Heather
Amy Fabu
Laurel did one last week that included book suggestions and all here and also posted this today! Laurel has 13 children and she seriously rocks in my book! :-)
Anita PS- Anita is also doing an awesome Feed the Starving Children Project and can use your help!
Chalene
Renee- awesome mom to 11! :-)

Before I start mine, I want to congratulate the Jags on passing court and adding two more beautiful children from Ghana to their family today. See pictures of them here.

For my three tips, I just chose three things that have come up lately. My first one is the one that gave me this idea in the first place as I shared it with a psychologist from my school district and she liked it.

1. Intrinsic Motivation
I think with kids we tend to give a lot of external motivators to reward them for a job well done or we focus too much on how we feel about what they did. I really try to have the focus be on recognizing how they feel when they do a good job. When they do something good or have an accomplishment, I always start by saying exactly what they did (not just that they were good but what they did that was good), ask them how they feel or if they are younger, I will say "do you feel so happy with yourself"
I will also state that I am proud of them but it is not the focus. I start and end what I am saying with their feelings about what they did- not mine. I am hoping that this carries over and helps them to want to do and be good because it makes them feel good about themselves.

2. Problem Solving
I got my ideas here from Love and Logic. I used some of their materials for a class on fostering independence in students with disabilities. The focus of the problem solving is to have the child solve the problem themselves whenever possible. In order to do this you have the following steps when your child presents a problem.
1. Empathic statement letting them know you are acknowledging them and that you care: What a bummer, How sad, I bet that hurt, etc
2. Send a power message letting them know that this is their problem and they can address it: What do you think you will do?
3. If they don't know what to do, you can give them ideas by saying, "Do you want to hear what other kids have tried?" and then give some suggestions both good and bad. It is important to include things that are not how you would solve it so they can evaluate those options and see why they won't work. Love and logic tells you to start with the less desirable ones but depending on the kid and situation, I don't always do that.
4. Each time you give an idea, you ask the child "How will that work?" and have them think about the consequences of doing that solution
5. Give permission for the child to either solve or not solve the problem: "Good luck, I hope it works out"

Then at this point, you let it go. You then check back later to see how it went or I sometimes just wait for them to tell me. If it is still a problem- they come back to me but if it was no big deal and they work it out, they often just move on.

Prior to doing this, I found that I was more involved than I needed to be in every problem that went on with my kids. I have done this problem solving method many times and it is fun to see the kids work out their own problems if they decide to. Sometimes Kman has decided to just let something go. He doen't always choose the solution that I would pick but that is alright too.

My best example of this was when he was having trouble with a kid on the playground that bossed him around and was aggressive. I think a lot of moms would have called the teacher or school or sent in a note at this point. After talking it through and giving ideas, I turned the problem back to him and then waited to see what happened. A few days later, he was so excited to tell me that he put that kids name and his name in the "Bully Box" so that they would have to sit and work it out with the school social worker. Eventually they did and Kman came up with some stragies and ideas during this process that will definitely help if it comes up again.

It is one of my pet peeves when parents get way too involved in every tiny situation that comes up as it often makes things worse. I saw it happen so many times when I was a teacher. It is refreshing to try this first and see if the kids can work through the problem on their own and only intervening when it doesn't work form them or the situation calls for it.

3. Spending quality time alone with each child
TR and I are really good at getting alone time in with each child. If one of us is going somewhere, we often split them up and take one or two with us instead of all or none of them. Even if we are just running an errand to Home Depot, it is fine. We can always add in a trip to Sonic for a drink if we want but the focus is on giving time and one on one attention to that child while we are running the errand.
We also have to make sure to get in the child that is not demanding as much attention. Selina needs attention because she is two and is our little newbie, Cater needs attention because she is five and is just a child that really needs that one on one time. Kman is pretty easy right now and does not require as much attention so we have to make sure that we are giving him that time alone with each of us.
I think this helped with the transition of bringing Selina home more than anything else. Cater had an especially hard time with me being gone and then coming home with a new sister that was to share her room. She had a lot of bottled up feelings and fears about this that it took her weeks to get through. In those weeks she acted out verbally and physically, it was a challenging time for all of us.
One of our best conversations about this was when just the two of us went out somewhere. We were chatting in the car and all of a sudden, out of the blue she said, "Mom when you were gone in Africa, I was scared. I did not know when you were coming back and where you were. I missed you so bad that I cried a lot of times. I wanted you to come home." It was a wonderful opportunity for us to talk about this and process it. This exchange only came after weeks of us working with her and giving her attention and helping her to see that she is still important and loved and that we have enough love in our hearts for everyone. It wasn't until she understood that, that she was able to reflect on her feelings about how that time was so hard for her. Being alone with her off somewhere without anyone else, gave her the opportunity to share that.


These are just a few things we do. I know they have love and logic parenting classes in my area and I want to go to one. I have read many of their articles online here and I tend to agree with their philosophy and approaches more often than not. I am always on the lookout for more ideas and information because we all know parenting is something we always are having to go back to the drawing board to come up with new ideas, strategies and approaches as have more children and they grow!!

If you are a blogger and want to share your ideas, just do your blog post with your tips and link to this post. Make sure I know you did it and then I will link to everyone that does it.

To those that contributed ideas, thanks for playing. You added some excitement to my weekend and have taught me something new in the process!

Our parenting adventure: a call to share!!!

Okay, I got this idea that I think will be fun. I would love to interact a little more here with all of you that stop by to check my blog.

The other day I was talking to coworker who is a psychologist. We were observing a child together who is having behaviors that are concerning in the classroom. After observing, we were chatting about ideas for the teacher and such and the conversation came around to parenting. I shared something I do with the kids that she thought was a great idea. Now this woman knows so much but still got an idea from me!LOL This made me think, how much can we all help each other on this daily adventure called parenting?

So here is what I am proposing:
*We all share three parenting ideas, tips or things we consider to be some of our most successful strategies. (Of course you can share more or less, I am just suggesting three)

*You do a post with your tips on Friday, October 17 and link it to my post with my three tips (I will post Thursday night). I will add your link on my post so we can all get to each other's from there. Make sure I know you posted by leaving a comment if you think I might miss it.

I know that when people do these things, they create fancy badges and such, I tried to create one but I was struggling and it was taking too long. So I am doing this low tech here as the most important thing is the info we are sharing! (although if you know a website to create cute badges, let me know)

Sometimes it can be overwhelming trying to juggle all the things we do. To parent our children is our most important calling and we all want to do it as best we can. I think it refreshes us to discuss this and to hear about what works for others.

Please consider doing this, this is my first time doing something like this and I think it will be fun. I know a lot of you are awesome parents and we can learn a lot from each other. I also know a lot of moms have adopted very recently or are in the process and would love to get some ideas.

These strategies can be especially for the adopted child and how to respond to adoption related issues that arise or tips for any child. Just pick what works well for you. You know that there are at least a few things you do that make you feel that you ROCK! I am even setting it up for Friday so you have all week to work on your post so you can prepare it at your convienence and just post it then.

If you want to comment and let me know you are participating, it will help let others know that "everyone is doing it" and help build some excitement (and I will be reinforced that this was a great idea- you wouldn't want me to have poor self esteem, would you?LOL ) You can even share this on your blog and invite your readers to participate- the more the merrier!

NOTE: If you don't have a blog, you can email me your response and I will include it on my blog. I will even give you credit and not pretend like your ideas were mine!LOL If you haven't started a blog but are considering it (Racheal and Sandy)- this gives you a good reason!